You can’t avoid bumper stickers when you’re driving around. They’re everywhere. Political bumper stickers. Colleges and university bumper stickers. Sports teams. Bands. Ideas. Phrases. Sayings. Vacation spots, cities, neighborhoods, towns, BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. It’s come to the point where I’m surprised when I get up behind a car that doesn’t have a bumper sticker.

I’ve always found this a bit odd.

Here’s why: when you really stop and think about what bumper stickers are, at their very core, they are markings that identify the interests of the driver of the car. It’s like getting a tattoo, or wearing a T-shirt with some writing on it. But I’ve often found that bumper stickers go a lot further than any T-shirt that anyone would ever wear.

Case in point: I have never, in my entire life, seen anyone walking around with a Mitt Romney T-shirt. I suspect Mitt Romney himself wouldn’t walk around with a Mitt Romney T-shirt. He’s too busy wearing plaid button-ups that make him look like a man of the people, even though his haircut costs more than my cell phone.

Likewise, I’ve never seen anyone walking around wearing a T-Shirt that bragged about the quality of the shirt wearer’s honor student. You also don’t really see T-Shirts that say things like “Well behaved women rarely make history,” or “Wag More, Bark Less,” or “COEXIST.” What you see, when it comes to T-Shirts, is a lot of stains that have been there for what looks like several presidential administrations.

So why the hell do we put these things on our cars? Just because we know other people will be behind us in traffic, we feel like it’s necessary to reveal our interests? Are we trying to start some sort of conversation?

The funny thing is, bumper stickers never start a conversation, because nobody notices them. I’ve driven around for several years with a subtle bumper sticker for my alma mater on the back of my car, and nobody has ever said anything to me about it. Not a word. Not a thumbs up. Not a smile. I suppose someone could be back there talking about it with a friend. Is that the goal of my sticker? To inspire random people to discuss it, completely unbeknownst to me?

The reason people don’t notice bumper stickers is because everyone has them. You pull up at every stoplight and you just sort of assume the guy in front of you will have a bumper sticker, so you couldn’t care less what it says. We really only notice bumper stickers if they’re bizarre and unusual, and they say something like “I HATE MEXICANS.” Then we take a picture and post it on Instagram.

The funny thing is that the bumper sticker is a phenomenon entirely limited to North America. You see them in the States, and you see them in Canada, but you can spend an entire week in Europe and not see a bumper sticker aside from the common international oval country code. In Europe, nobody cares where you went to college or who you’re voting for. They only care that you move your tiny, silver diesel hatchback out of the way so they can drive past you in their tiny, silver diesel hatchback.

So I’m a bit mystified, and I’m reaching out to you, the reader, to get your take on bumper stickers. Do you use bumper stickers? Do you understand why other people use them? Do you ever approach people in parking lots because of their bumper stickers?

Of course, I’m not as dense as I seem here. I understand why people use bumper stickers in the first place: they want other people to know that they support the Bears. Or the Cowboys. Or Millard Fillmore Elementary School, home of the Fighting Powdered Wigs. Or maybe they support OK Go. Or the Outer Banks. Or Hillary Clinton. Or Ron Paul. Or Rand Paul. Or Paul Ryan. Or Ryan Seacrest.

But why the hell do you want unknown random humans behind you in traffic to know you feel this way? Do you expect there will be some giant revolt while you’re sitting at a light, and it’ll spread across the country, uniting everyone in their appreciation of the Father John Q. Zilshepper Catholic School Choir? Is that the reason for the bumper sticker?!

And so, I ask you, the reader: What’s the deal with bumper stickers?

I care more about dealership badges.

Same. When I ordered the Verano, I had them write it into the contract to not put anything on the car. Especially glad I did, since that dealership is more of a lemon than the car.

We had them remove it from our car as well. Unless they wanted to pay us ad revenue on a per mile basis. They did not.

I tell them the exact same thing.

Ha! Just got the DMV stickers, slapped them on the rear license plate and happily unscrewed the dealer license plate ‘frame’ and idiotic paper that sat behind it with the dealer logo.

I would have happily kept them on…. for $20/month payment.

The idiotic dealer paper is actually a nice buffer between the plate and the car, plus only someone removing the plate would see it.

http://www.amazon.com/NO-TEXTING-Window-Bumper-Sticker/dp/B00434UMSE

It’s important to some people, like gays and lesbians, to let the world know that we refuse to be invisible.

As an atheist in the deep south, I have used bumper stickers not so much to proclaim my views to the world, but to let others know they aren’t alone. It can be tough being in a minority and it it can seem like nobody else believes or feels the way you do because most people just nod, go with the flow, and keep their mouths shut in day to day life.

I doubt I’ve helped anyone. I’ve certainly gotten nasty looks and occasional stoplight conversations, though.

“It can be tough being in a minority and it it can seem like nobody else believes or feels the way you do because most people just nod, go with the flow, and keep their mouths shut in day to day life.”

True. It might be easier if *that* were the only case. Unfortunately, the bigots *don’t* keep quiet and nod their heads, but are perfectly able and willing to stand up and proclaim to the world their bigotry.

That may be true, the Golden Rule doesn’t get much play these days. But in their defense, at least they’re not burning their neighborhoods down to the ground.

From a Laurie Anderson album titled Home of the Brave:

“…and everybody on the island, was yelling ‘LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME!’ “.

Yes, anger seems to be a prime motivator for bumper stickers.

Just the other day I saw a sticker said, “One cat away from being a cat lady.” LOL.

I was in traffic a while back and the minivan in front of me had one of those stick figure families on the back window of a woman and about 10 cats.

It’s the same reason drivers behave appallingly behind the wheel, in a manner they would never do out of their cars. Once in the car, the normal rules of civil engagement don’t seem to apply.

About the only bumper sticker I’ve ever appreciated is “Caution, Driver Singing”.

This. The personality transformation many of us get once behind the wheel is amazing.

Agree. Much like some of the self ordained experts who comment on line.

Have had one bumper sticker and have it now. Momentary prideful weakness when I bought a bumper sticker with submarine dolphins. The best one would be MYOB (mind your own business). But if you are doing that you won’t actually display anything.

I haven’t had a bumper sticker on my car in years, and when I did it was only one. I don’t know why folks like the van driver above feel the need to festoon their vehicle with so much pointless opinion, but I used my one sticker to be a vocal minority poking my finger in the eye of the populace around me for the one issue that made my blood absolutely boil at the time.

I was in my twenties and the pro-Iraq war fervor was still full-steam despite all the evidence surfacing against the original reason for starting it. My state was still gung-ho lockstep lemming Dubya supporters despite crucifying Bill Clinton on moral grounds for the Monica Lewinsky affair half a decade earlier. Three thousand dead on a lie, who cares, that guy lied about fellatio! So I put a simple “No one died when Clinton lied” sticker smack above the center tail light where it couldn’t be missed. No caricature of Bush or anything insulting, just the block letters. Got some good reactions and chilly stares.

I don’t do that anymore, it strikes me as futile and I like the way my cars looks unadorned. I see plenty of vehicles around here with Impeach Obama, NRA, and “I don’t believe the liberal media” stickers driven by bitter-looking old people who just can’t handle the legitimate re-election of Satan over the dreamboat Mormon businessman whom God obviously intended to occupy the White House. Driving rattletrap jalopies suggesting they “didn’t believe in the liberal higher education system” either. It’s infantile. I just mostly keep my opinions to myself now, it creates less aggravation.

Do you live in West Virginia? You’ve described exactly what I see on a daily basis.

I have a small flying WV on the rear glass of my FR-S down in the corner. I’ve had a flying WV on almost every car I’ve owned. I guess it is the same reason I wear shirts with the flying WV.

You know here in Ohio I see plenty of WV stickers and also VT stickers (Virginia Tech).

I graduated from Virginia Tech, but I’ve never had one of their stickers on my car. I don’t know if that is because I grew up in Charlottesville, and one of my roommates had the rear view mirrors snapped off of his car for parking there with a VT sticker.

I was swept up in the pro war fervor as well and found myself in Baghdad. Every time we ran a route clearance mission up to the route that bordered Sadr City, we got hit. As a result most of my squad stuck “I heart Sadr City” bumper stickers on our cars. We had just gotten back and were salty. I moved to Georgia and Bubba in the parking lot of the IGA tells me how I’m effed up for not supporting the troops, calls me a “homosexual” (likely because the sticker was affixed to an NA Miata), and rants for a while. I proceeded to explain it to him and he continues to rant. I drove off but I removed the sticker since my wife drove the car fairly often and I didn’t want her to have such run ins.

I simply have Iraq and Afghanistan stickers on my truck now. I figure maybe potential tailgater’s will think I have PTSD and lay off.

Funny thing though…the husky I drove in Baghdad had a Reagan Bush 84 sticker on it when I got it. Guess a prior operator had a sense of humor.

During the Obama-McCain election my visiting MIL insisted I drive her Honda Insight to work. As I walked to the car, I noticed she had two Obama stickers (one in Spanish), two gay rights, NPR, and war is not the answer. At the time I worked in Chantilly,VA which is full of Suburbans with Impeach Obama and NRA stickers. I thought I was going to get run over, shot, and run over again.

and then there’s this… beat that for a bumper sticker! http://t.co/wV76s4d3FE

@30-mile fetch Apparently you continue to be brainwashed with the idea that WMD in Iraq was a falsehood.

However, a former general of Saddam Hussein’s, who was also the only Christian in senior Baath party hierarchy, (I believe his name was George Saad, but I am working from memory from three or four years ago), wrote his autobiography, and in it, he stated that it was a fact that Saddam Hussein had WMD, which he had gone to great lengths to conceal.

And the fact that the liberal side of the media has not gone out of its way to discredit this gentleman’s claim, seems to indicate to me that it is factually correct, and that for political reasons a certain element of the press and people of a certain political bent, do not wish to draw attention to the merits of their claims of falsehood, versus this man’s first hand account of the accuracy of reports of WMD.

And the principle issue with Bubba Clinton was not that he got blown, but that he obstructed justice by lying to investigators, an action that would net a jail sentence for an ordinary citizen.

And it seems doubly strange that very few people bothered to consider a possible sexual harrassment angle when a man in his forties, in a position of power over a teenage girl, sleeps with her. If it had been a high school swimming coach and a HS girl Monica Lewinsky’s age, the man would have been crucified. And that is not mere theory, it damn near happened in my high school, though they couldn’t prove that the two people were dating until after she graduated from high school, at a time and in a state where an eighteen year old was considered an adult.

So it is hardly lockstep lemming behavior to either believe that Saddam Hussein did have WMD, or that Bubba’s behavior both during and after his affair, crossed a line that other people would not have been given a pass for.

Oh, and someone be sure to come up with the theory that either if the general were a Christian he couldn’t have been in Hussein’s inner circle, or that he was deputized by the right wing to lie in support of Bush. But as those same kneejerk liberals love to say, “where are your FACTS?”.

Because Americans are citizens not subjects.

I can see subjugation from my kitchen window, and it ain’t on a lift-gate.

The correlation between bumper sticker count and mental illness is strong. Very strong.

Amusingly enough, you aren’t far off from the truth. There is indeed a correlation between quantity of bumper stickers and road rage.

http://www.nature.com/news/2008/080613/full/news.2008.889.html

TLDR snippet: “The number of territory markers predicted road rage better than vehicle value, condition or any of the things that we normally associate with aggressive driving,” says Szlemko. What’s more, only the number of bumper stickers, and not their content, predicted road rage — so “Jesus saves” may be just as worrying to fellow drivers as “Don’t mess with Texas”.

“so ‘Jesus saves’ may be just as worrying to fellow drivers as ‘Don’t mess with Texas’.”

False dichotomy. Those two stickers are almost always on the same car, or rather, truck.

+1 from my cold, dead hands.

I don’t personally adorn my vehicles with any stickers. Just don’t like the idea. Plus the stickers I would put on, would get my cars vandalized by the “occupy Wall Street” types. The only 2 small stickers I have are for practical reasons. They both cover small imperfections on the bumper. One is a US Olympics flag and the other is the “thin blue line”. I don’t judge though. You want to make your car a rolling canvas of political messages, whatever..it is up to you.

I figure it’s a combination of rude extroversion and a denial of the fact we are pretty much alone in this life, hence our stick family’s, political views, religious affiliation, college’s, etc.

Rude extroversion sums it up nicely. I put stickers on my van but nothing religious or political (despite being very opinionated myself). I personally find it obnoxious when liberals/conservatives/atheists/Christians and so on feel the need to get in my face with their opinions.

“a denial of the fact we are pretty much alone in this life”

Rude extroversion combined with narcissism. I don’t see why it is important for random drivers to be bombarded with my political or religious views and I have no interest in knowing theirs.

People have been decorating and personalizing their transportation since, well, forever. There’s something about mobility that makes people nuts.

I do think this type of behavior is intrinsic to how mankind or personkind has been for millennia.

We used to collect sea shells and rocks and spend hours drilling holes and attaching them to string to hang around our necks.

Tattoos aren’t new, they have been around for years.

This stuff is just cosmetic, just like the way we dress and some use makeup. People want to show how they want others to view them.

We see something odd and we first pick it up and look at it to see what value it holds for oneself. If we think it will improve or convey a message on what we want others to think we take advantage of the item.

That is what these stickers are.

It’s just perception and what is the best medium to display how you want others’ to perceive in our society.

The car. The car also conveys perception, they go hand in hand for some.

Wow…right on other Al.

Most of what qualifies as a bumper sticker would be on the race car, because race car. (TrackJunkies, Global RallyCross, Keep Waco Wacko, contingency decals for Winding Road Racing).

I’ve never understood having a potentially controversial opinion on your daily driver, though. Dad plaaaaastered the back of his truck with NRA/republican candidate stickers when I was in high school? Okay. I respect your opinion and your willingness to scare the crap out of any dudes who come to the house. Buuuuuuut…Mom and I always half-joked about when/if that truck would get keyed or something. People are weird about politics nowadays. No one respects anyone else’s opinion or has the ability to debate issues out like a rational human being anymore. It’s all knee-jerk “the other side is the wrongest!!!1!” BS.

So, as to why folks put any stickers regarding subjects they usually wouldn’t debate in polite company, your guess is as good as mine. I stick to happy subjects on my daily driver–there’s some race track outlines for tracks I’ve driven, a big vinyl outline version of the chicken I draw on everything on my back window, autocross annual tech stickers, and a Porsche Club of America cling. The worst-case scenario is someone recognizing COTA who was really against the whole project and leaving a turd on my windshield, I guess, but overall, they’re pretty uncontroversial vinyls.

They’re all vinyls, though, because eew bumper stickers. Too out there and non-subtle for my taste.

I like the way people used to do this with hot rods – fill up the quarter and rear windows with stickers for tires, mufflers, cams, transmissions and intake manifolds.

I kind of liked one I had on my 95 Cherokee Sport.

Just above the third brakelight, upside down, was a small sticker that said: “Turn It Over”.

Fortunately, I never had to rely on it attaining practical status.

It’s a dad thing.

When my daughter was in middle/high school, I had a number of stickers across the back window of my truck: Mathews Archery, Fred Bear, Springfield Armory, Ruger, NRA…

Boy: So if I p*** off your dad, he might shoot me?

Girl: The question is, with what?

Now she’s grown up. Has her own gun now. I no longer have stickers on my car. Just a license plate frame that reads “Proud Parent” above a thin, blue line.

I drive the upper midwest US equivalent of the silver diesel hatchback, a Pontiac G6. These things are like bellybuttons, so I use a couple of discreetly placed bumper stickers (well, window clings, actually) to help find my car in a near-sea of lookalikes. It’s quite often that I rely on finding the soccer ball clings in my windows to help me distinguish my car from the others, especially at night. If I really can’t see it, I just use the panic button to find it…

I don’t like what bumper stickers do to car finishes especially since there really haven’t been chrome bumpers available on most cars in the last 20-25 years. Much like a tattoo, I have a hard time imagining what it is that I would proclaim to the world.

Around here (Grand Rapids) we get a lot of ex-Detroiters and Detroiter wannabes and it’s common for these folks who like the Detroit Tigers to display a big D somewhere on their car. However, many of these folks drive like they’re still in Detroit. When I was teaching my kids to drive, I jokingly told them to avoid the cars with the “D” on it, as that designates the driver as a douchebag. That observation has actually proven true so many times it’s become a meme in our family…

We are not all douchebags, but one of us may stab you just to proliferate the stereotype.

(I do not have a “D” sticker on my C-Max)

Has your G6 got any electrical issues? I see lots of them driving around here in Ohio, in semi-clapped Targe-nearly-WarlMarks style – with like brake lamp and headlamp issues. Their emergency flashers will be on all the time, or the brake lights are on constantly, or using an indicator will make the other lights not work.

When I took my car to college, I put half a dozen bumper stickers on it so I could tell it apart from all the other red Sentras in the parking lot.

Because narcissists know you’re trapped there behind their crappy car, and forced to know they’re sh!tty point of view. And it’s always a crappy car. The more crappier the car, the more stickers and stronger the opinion.

It’s pretty clear they hate their crappy job, apartment, life, car, spouse, etc. I’m too busy texting etc anyways.

Some North Americans take the right to an opinion much too seriously. They would be less cloying, if their opinions showed any sign of education.

“It’s important to some people, like gays and lesbians, to let the world know that we refuse to be invisible.”

Yay, troll bait. Ok, I’ll bite:

Why do you think that your sexual orientation is of interest to anyone in the rest of the world?

Any educated normal human being knows there are gays and lesbians out there, too. Good for them.

Or to put it a bit differently: Why would anybody “refuse to be invisible” in this regard?

Because he/she wants appreciation and confirmation.

Why would anyone need appreciation and confirmation? Because he/she is insecure about the thing in question himself.

You sure that’s the message you want to send…?

They wouldn’t need to fight for their rights if there weren’t others who were working so hard to keep them from having rights.

“They wouldn’t need to fight for their rights if there weren’t others who were working so hard to keep them from having rights.”

OK, I get it now! That bumper sticker is a weapon to you. Wow! OK, now I’m scared. I’ll stop working hard. Just please don’t hit me with your bumper sticker.

On the other hand, if those bumper stickers are weapons, maybe we either ban them or confine their use to well-regulated militia.

And to think, I almost forgot that you are one of the few who are capable of reading. According to your own estimation, that is.

He’ll use that weapon to defend his lofty perch… as self-anointed arbiter of what’s good, decent and worthy of respect.

There would be no need for a gay rights movement if it wasn’t for clowns like you.

I have no interest in or objection to who you choose to sleep with. I say live and let live.

@Pch101 And there would be a lot more of a laissez-faire attitude among the general public towards homosexual issues if it wasn’t for clowns like you.

Which I suspect is what motivates you…you are not content to be allowed to exist, you want to be in everyone’s face, and to ridicule everyone who doesn’t accept your every pronouncement.

Now hurry along, and go back to refuting and rebutting obsolete 100 year old viewpoints about the Civil War a/k/a the War of Northern Aggression a/k/a the War over States Rights (News flash: States’ rights lost.)

Blaming gay people for homophobia doesn’t make you sound very bright. Not that I’m surprised…

@Pch101 There you go again, trying a little misdirection to gain sympathy and/or support.

You are not “gay people”; you may be a gay person, and you behave as if you are, but you also behave like a narrow-minded and arrogant pompous twit, a characteristic not limited to gay people.

But when such pompous sself-righteous and logically faulty a style of (il)logical argumentation is used as a style to try to advance ANY cause, it almost invariably produces a fairly broadly-based backlash that works counter to the position that is being allegedly supported by name-calling of anyone who doesn’t agree with you, a tactic you not only admit to, but revel in as being (in your opinion) the only suitable response to anyone who disagrees with you about anything for any reason.

But I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with you; I was raised to never fight a defenseless person.

Though if I could, I would give you half my brains, so that we could be equally matched.

I’m just glad you are not out there on the vanguard, trying to defend something I actually give a s*** about by your lame and ineffectual style of pomposity, self-aggrandizement and belittling of all you disagree with, and that usually by means of total non sequiters gleaned from Google searches. Or is it from a notebook full of this stuff you have saved up over the years, as another person conjectured?

If I were an intelligent gay person, I would be highly offended by your lackluster and obnoxious style of attacking anyone and everyone whom you deem to be insufficiently supportive of your viewpoints.

So this is not a sexual orientation issue; this is an issue of obnoxious behavior and its rejection by people who find your lame snarkiness tedious and tendentious.

Back to you, Pch…entertain us with another display of misdirection to try to ignore the fact that it is you and your behavior that I object to, and not some lifestyle you consider yourself to be a champion of.

And if you object to my ending a sentence with a preposition, the kind of rebuttal you excel at offering, then let me rewrite that last sentence: “…and not some lifestyle you consider yourself to be a champion of, idiot.”

I’m not sure what possesses you to be a fool, but you sure are a long-winded one.

@Pch101 You wouldn’t know a fool if you saw one, as you presumably pass in front a bathroom mirror at least once every day or so.

And compared to your attention span and your (in)ability to construct any logical argument in support of any position, just about everything anyone else says must seem long-winded to you in comparison.

Your scorn and insults carry absolutely no weight whatsoever with me, and I suspect the same is true for 98% of the people who ever post on here.

Let’s see a post about Porsche returning to offering four cylinder engines in North America. Count to three. Now watch for Pch101 finding some way to work the discussion into an argument about sexual discrimination.

Time to duck now. Here comes more incoming from the resident clown who lacks humor.

Knit one, purl two! @Pch101, YOOHOO!

Unfortunately, there are people out there who think gays need to go back into the closet. The stickers are the car owner’s way of saying that they aren’t going to.

I think the two-minute hate squad that’s already appeared has answered that question nicely.

You’re good at that unintentional irony stuff.

Call it a hunch, but I’m going to guess that you’re one of those guys who believes that the North started the Civil War and that you refer to it as the “War of Northern Aggression.”

Far be it from me to let something as inconsequential as the truth stop you from stoking your hate and spewing your vitriol.

Of course. Gay bashing is a form of love.

Yep, that’s about as much as I expected from you.

Of course, because my failure to support gay bashing makes me a racist.

(I hate to break it to you, but 1984 was not an instruction manual.)

Ah, now I see — you’ve been speaking in bumper sticker philosophy this entire time. Very meta. Tip of the hat.

I want an 80’s “$hit Happens” sticker

Above post was in the wrong place. Anyway I am glad that Gay people are getting equality. I always marveled that in the don’t ask don’t tell days a Soldier could make the choice to die for the country only to turn around and not recognize that Soldiers choice in who to marry when it was time to pay the benefits.

I only wish people would be equally passionate about all of their rights like free speech, keeping and bearing arms, due process, voting, and that stuff. They are all important and often seem to be under threat as well.

@darkwing & @GeneralMalaise Welcome to the world of us resident nutters, which consists of everyone except @Pch101 and a couple of other handles which, judging by their content and style, are sock puppets of Pch101.

It’s a good thing that he is so ineffective in his persuasive or pseudo-persuasive attempts at logical arguments. If he had his way, he would have us all locked up in civilian re-education camps until we learned to think correctly, according to his standards. Until that time, we would all be criminally insane, in his twisted name-calling binary world.

Personally, if I had to choose between being aligned with @Pch101 or being scorned and ridiculed by him, I would start to think I was losing it if I found him agreeing with me.

But it is amusing to see how readily and easily he rises to the bait, making yet another sour faced barrage of insults every time anyone disagrees with anything he does or says.

And since he won’t shut up, we may as well use him as our own little sideshow of self-appointed righteousness.

I’ll give you two to one odds he can summoned from his depths with any one of his several hot button issues he feels he holds the only truth to.

@Pch101 segues into the “War of Northern Aggression”, thus proving that much of what he or she posts to counter whatever they don’t agree with is derived from random surfing the Net through the use of Google.

You must have been looking for a pithy non sequiter about slavery and homosexuality, and stumbled across that phrase.

Just too good an opportunity to pass up, eh?

“It is a tale of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”

I can handle the indiscriminate and adolescent rage; that’s been SOP among the progressive set for years.

What gets me is, whenever I see him popping up to yell about something, I can’t shake the sense that he’s got this crazy person’s notebook sitting around somewhere, into which he’s written every perceived slight and developed these incredibly elaborate backstories for everyone. Never mind the insane conclusions he jumps to when lecturing people about themselves; just the level of effort that obviously goes into deciding in precisely which way to hate people is just unreal.

It’s fascinating, and funny, and more than a little sad — or it would be if he was of any consequence, I guess.

darkwing – I always wonder how much self respect a person has for themselves when they have very little for anyone with a differing opinion?

Sorry to crash the pity party for the resident nutters, but if you don’t care to be mocked for your dumb and nutty ideas, then you’ll have to get out of the habit of having so many dumb and nutty ideas.

(Ironic that a bunch of buffoons who are always crowing about personal responsibility never take any. You are getting what you deserve.)

I can now see your handle is rather ironic. Anyway, your comment makes this straight, middle aged man want to put both a rainbow and an = on my car so that I might troll you on the highways and byways of this country where all are created equal and should (and will) have equal rights under the law.

I’m generally opposed to stickers on my cars, I like to be under the radar.

I did have an Eagle Globe & Anchor on my stateside Evo. It was an attempt to stave off any Driving While Black incidents via professional courtesy.

Back in my National Guard days in Miami, I had a friend who would zip down the highway in his H3 Hummer @ 100mph….he was never pulled over. He claimed it was because he had a Combat Infantryman’s Badge and Operation Iraqi Freedom stickers.

These stickers were used for specific, tangible, real-world benefits from law enforcement. Stickers that just serve to loudly advertise some facet of your character that nobody could give two shits about….totally pointless.

When I was stationed at Ft Benning, tons of guys in my company would get giant Airborne and Ranger window stickers for their back windows. I’ve contenplated getting a 3rd Battallion, 75th Ranger Regiment sticker for my car, but have not pulled the trigger yet.

@Noble713 Were you actually in the Corps before you joined the Guard, or did you just think you’d “borrow” what others have earned for your personal advantage?

If it is the latter, I would think it wouldn’t be worth the price of having to watch your six. Some people take that sort of thing seriously…if you didn’t earn it, don’t claim it.

OTOH, if you did, Semper Fi.

Keep up, gentlemen. It’s 2015.

Have a notarized online copy of your DD214 available for verification any time you mention any part of your service history.

As far as I’m concerned, I only question someone’s mention of a branch they claimed to have served in if they also mention that they were in fact in another branch. (And if the claim happens to be for a branch of service that carries an aura of honor that has to be earned, not merely claimed.

But I find it hard to believe that a former active duty Marine who was in a town which I believe has an active Marine Corps Reserve unit, would decide to join a National Guard unit. However, if he did, that’s his right.

But it is not his right to claim service in the USMC if in fact all he served in was the Guard. Not sure if that behavior would be covered under recent legislation to prevent false claims of service, but whether it is or not, if someone claims that they were something they were not, I have to wonder. Especially if the claim is for something others sacrificed to earn the right to the title.

Bumperstickers are a way of announcing to the world which “tribe” you belong to-republican/democrat/liberal/conservative/NRA/Peacenik/Support our troops/etc, etc. Humans are a social animal-we have a need to belong-and these are a way of broadcasting your identity, THIS is my tribe, that I AM IMPORTANT.

Bumperstickers are also a passive-aggressive way to express one’s views with a lesser chance of the usual social repercussions. Doug mentions how T-shirts rarely show the same phrases-if one wore T-shirts with the same phrasing, one could be subject to immediate ridicule, debate, insult/retort. It’s much “safer” to express an exclusively one-sided argument with little chance of retort. I personally feel that a vast majority of people with politically polarizing stickers have absolutely no substance to validate their point of view, other than “So and so sucks!”

We’re also a very-much “Look at me!” society, greatly aided by social media. We have become a county where being seen, being famous, being recognized holds more social power than intellectual stimulation, debate, or actually contributing a positive benefit for society.  Narcissism has been enabled and empowered in the social media era.

It’s the same reason guys wear team jackets. They’d rather live in reflected glory than none at all.

“I’m not some random blue-collar loser! I’m a STEELERS FAN!!!”

@Mr Imperial – correct. We are not accustomed to being part of large social groups such as metropolitan cities. Anonymity does not fit with our tribal survival instincts. Bumper stickers, T-shirts, ball caps etc. are a way to find and/or announce “our tribe”. Humans are always seeking self-validation. That is another reason.

There are some who do it from a narcissistic point of view but as previously mentioned, we need to feel like we belong. Just like in the wild, peacocks tend to be easy prey.

I still laugh at the bumper stickers from proud parents, something to the effect of…”My child is an honor roll student at ___ grade school”. I get the parental pride, but all I can think about is an article I read that discussed the lowering of standards and the diminishing value of honor roll. Whatever. Personally I never put stickers on my car.

If your 7 year old child brought home a “proud parent of an honor roll student” bumper sticker and asked if they could put it on your car would you have the heart to tell them no?

We didn’t, therefore we have one plastered on the back of the family mobile. I dont like bumper stickers in the least little bit, but I dont mind this one for obvious reasons.

Maybe I’m an assh0le, but I refused. Solely because it would ruin the paint. Stick it on my toolbox or something.

Stick it to magnetic sheeting ($30 for ~10 sq ft) and problem solved.

Meh, it’d still pollute the look of the car.

I told my kid I’d put the honor roll bumper sticker on, but the first time they failed to make the honor roll it was getting covered with a “My kid’s an Idiot” sticker. We don’t have a bumper sticker on.

That is some funny stuff, innocent man. Thanks for the chuckle.

Or the ubiquitous “Baby on Board” signs / stickers. Are we supposed to congratulate you for your ability to procreate?

I’m a parent of 2 kids under 3. So, no, I’m not a childless ogre.

And also, paramedics do not use that as an indicator to bring special equipment or to look for infants thrown out of the car, despite what Facebook repeatedly tells me.

I think they are trying to tell people to drive carefully around them, as there are children in the car – But then they shouldn’t be clogging the left lane at 10 under the limit…

At the peak of the “Baby on Board” craze, I saw a car with a sticker that said “Baby in Trunk”. Guess they must have gotten tired of all the Baby on Board stickers.

“Look what I got. Now people will stop intentionally ramming our car.”

Some years ago, while driving in Houston I spotted early 70s Chrysler driven but an extremely butch looking women with tattoos. The bumper sticker read “My kid just beat the shit out of your honor student”

Bumper sticker or not, that sort of mentality has to be uniquely American.

I saw the best bumper sticker while watching a movie the other day:

I might just have to get that one.

Saw another one, same theme, different take:

If God is your Co-Pilot, you are in the WRONG Seat!

What is amusing/interesting/odd is that the cars COVERED in bumper stickers always seem to have a far left political viewpoint. If it is a newer car they are usually a Subaru or Honda Element; otherwise any old POS will do. But if there are more than 2 stickers you can bet the car is a rolling tribute to Marxism.

I have no idea why right of center drivers don’t share the same sticker fanaticism.

Because left of center stickers get you dirty looks from the other side while right of center stickers get your car keyed by the other side. Apparently that’s just the way those people express themselves.

Dan gets it. Just like it wasn’t freedom lovers keying H2s. The denial that bumper stickers are a leftist’s recourse for personal cowardice suggests that none of the statists here actually went to college. Faculty parking lots are filthy with bumper stickers.

“bumper stickers are a leftist’s recourse for personal cowardice”

I really believe an equivalent accusation can be made against us online commenters, in which case you ARE the internet equivalent of a car covered in bumper stickers.

Anyhow, there’s a popular 2-or-so year old video of a rather unpleasant Prius driver storming over to an idling pickup truck and being very belligerent face to face. Not admirable, but brave in a way.

I always love a crapbox covered in right wing stickers. I am always tempted to respond to the driver that you clearly don’t have enough money to be a Republican.

Yes, Dan, that’s the way it goes. They can’t stand to see anyone think outside their little fever swamp.

https://www.flickr.com/photos/craigallen/8220147828/

https://www.flickr.com/photos/ddwriter/5344879464/

https://www.flickr.com/photos/ukeandgermphotography/5180530667/

And I should have remembered the trucks and cars dedicated to abortion:

https://www.flickr.com/photos/tooloose-letrek/3798743156/

It wouldn’t surprise me if these drivers posted on this website.

Must be where you live. Around here, most of the sticker abusers are fight wing. The Ron Paul supporters were the most enthusiastic sticker users.

Not sure if typo…or accidental genius.

It does describe a small subset of people, though.

No false modesty, FF, that was genius and I’m gonna steal it :-)

Freudian slip of epic proportions.

The one pic that Pch posted was right wing rhetoric on a Japanese mini-van.

Do as I say not as I do…………

To be fair, the Odyssey is assembled in Alabama, and the Tea Party faithful are not necessarily opposed to imports. Still a nut job, though.

Pch101 – lost count of the times I’ve frequented pickup blogs where someone goes on a rant about “profits leaving the country” and Pearl Harbor. The irony of it all is that it most of the time the guy owns a Mexican built Ram HD.

Definitely depends on the area. When I lived in Vermont, the state car was a rusty Subaru Outback plastered with left-wing themed bumper stickers. In Texas, roughly 2/3 of the political bumper stickers have a right-wing bent, but the frequency is far lower than in Vermont.

Mmmm..I dunno about that. If I had a nickel for every vehicle I’ve seen with the “I’m the NRA and I vote” bumper sticker just one of about fifteen or twenty, all generally decrying “the libruls,” I could retire.

Visit the Southeast and you’ll see right-wing bumper sticker crazy to rival the best left-wing crazy. My favorite is always the folks who add some sort of Ayn Rand sticker to their collection of conservative Christian messages, never mind that Rand was an atheist pro-choice free-love advocate.

Toad – I’ve seen enough stickers from both sides of the spectrum to say that it is a wash.

Painting broad swaths of people with the same brush isn’t a particularly good thing to do.

or will that comment get swept under the rug as a left wing statement?

My general experience Toad is that it’s about 3 to 1 liberals vs. conservative sentiment-in terms of cars that have at least three stickers. On vehicles with just one or two, much more likely to be conservative in nature. The last one I saw, just this weekend in fact on I44 in Oklahoma, was a late model Subaru with several different external racks–totally plastered in Wiccan/lesbian/Obama stickers. Driver and a passenger were both women. Talk about a rolling stereotype.

I went through a short bumper-sticker phase when I was younger, but ultimately decided it was pointless. I prefer having my cars sticker-less.

What I truly don’t get, is the subculture out there which for some reason just HAS to put stickers on toll booths and/or traffic signs. Usually obscure logos which I have no idea what they represent. I can’t help but wonder the why, and what for.

It’s got to be the pedestrians doing that. I suspect they’re people whose homes you don’t want to enter.

I had a few bumper stickers as recently as when I was about 21 years old. The last one was an OAMTC sticker on my grey Jetta, allowing me to tell it apart from all the other MKII Jettas and serving as a link to my Austrian family. I had an Outer Banks and a surf shop sticker on a car in high school, and no, I didn’t surf.

As someone else mentioned, the cars that are plastered with bumper stickers are typically old and in rough shape. I’ve always assumed the bumper stickers are what holds the car together.

BTW, whenever I see a car with the “Darwin” (fish with feet) thing on the back, I’m always tempted to cut them off as a tribute to their world view. Although I do notice that those are usually crappy cars too and wonder why someone would admit to belief in survival of the fittest when they’re just squeaking by….

And what would any rational evolutionist think of those whose bodies tell them not to pass on their traits?

Hopefully, she’d feel a kinship. I think a good sticker for low income breeders would be:

“My Car Pollutes And So Do I!”

“And what would any rational evolutionist think of those whose bodies tell them not to pass on their traits?”

Since acceptance of the science of evolution doesn’t require advocacy of eugenics, and since a number of those rational evolutionists are rather busy using this science for stuff like food crop improvement and medical research rather than telling those who inherit high cholesterol to purify the gene pool by not having kids, I’d say they don’t think too much about whether homosexuals should self-extinct.

Ascribing this level of malice and pessimism to someone else just to make a cute little point doesn’t speak well of you.

Is there a rationalization merit badge, captain Monsanto? I’m guessing you’ve got it, if there is one. Progressives and eugenicists are all but synonyms. Nobody told you? Have fun being fertilizer!

“Progressives and eugenicists are all but synonyms.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WgpaKkrZex4

George Bernard Shaw; a Fabian Socialist, just like the Clintons. Other great progressive eugenicists? Sanger, Galton, Hitler, Huxley, Keynes, Wendell-Holmes, the list goes on.

http://www.princeton.edu/~tleonard/papers/retrospectives.pdf

http://www.discoverthenetworks.org/viewSubCategory.asp?id=1220

Progressives really ought to try to understand what they’re working towards before they get so detached from their humanity that they can rationalize absolutely any atrocity.

You say “eugenicist” like it’s a bad thing.

What’s your alternative to a world resembling Maharashtra?

Well, CJ, it’s been interesting watch you link the science of evolution with Hitler in only 2 steps, not because you’ve gone nutjob extremist (any basement-dwelling conspiracy theorist can do that) but because you are willingly announcing your diseased headspace in a public venue.

You first went off the rails by missing what should be obvious: you can accept the enormous body of scientific evidence buttressing the Theory of Evolution without being a socialist or progressive because it’s a scientific realm, not a political position. This level of ignorance is common in those opposed to evolution but it’s nothing a little reading can’t fix.

What isn’t so easily fixed is this frightening tribal mentality you’ve embraced to file people within a broad spectrum of political opinion into only two camps. One of which is worthy, the other reprehensible and the cause of all atrocity because you view every member as equivalent to the most extreme viewpoints and figures you can summon from Youtube. Maybe you’re treading closer to Hitler’s mindset than you would like to believe.

CJinSD – ummmmm…………………. Godwin’s Law!

30-mile fetch, in case you really are incapable of making any connections whatsoever, the reason I linked your politics to your comment is because you revealed your politics in your reply to another comment on this very article. It is probably a coincidence that you don’t know what you’re doing.

So, your basis for linking me with eugenics and political extremism is either:

a) I don’t like W because of the Iraq War b) I didn’t like your assertion that liberals (and liberals only) are cowards for their use of bumper stickers.

And you think a few quips about me being “incapable making connections” and being unintentionally obtuse is going to somehow make your comments logical?

No, I stand by everything I’ve typed here. Your “connections” look like Glenn Beck’s chalkboard of insanity.

I’m pretty sure that he really did get this particular part of his routine from Glenn Beck.

You’ve just struck an orchestral chord of irony.

Why’zit always the Darwin walking fish is on a wheezing, rusting, mailaisemobile, and the Jesus fish on newish, maintained, Common Sense Protestant vehicles?

Survival of the fittest, indeed.

Or y’know, like a college kid or something. The Darwin fish is “jackass with things to prove,” not “crippling poverty.” That realm is represented by a crooked Obama 2008 sticker.

The fish variations are legion. My favorite is the Cthulu one:

http://mattstone.blogs.com/photos/christian_art_cthulhu/cthulhu-fish-5.html

I’m not generally much on stickers, but I have put them on in the past. If you do a triathlon, one of the things you get is a sticker with your race number on it, to apply to your bike helmet, and another one for the bike itself. On my previous car, I would peel the sticker off the bike and put it on my rear window, and keep it there for a few weeks, just to remind myself that I did it. I’m sure no one else had any idea what it was. Same thing with a half marathon sticker. I’m maybe a 20th percentile athlete, and for me to finish a half marathon in the top 30 percent of my age group was an accomplishment. It’s easy to forget about these things in the day to day routine, and since I see the sticker every time I approach the car, it’s a reminder.

I don’t have any stickers on my current car, but I do have a little customization of my license plate. Normally, the county name appears at the bottom of our license plates, but some whizbang in the legislature decided what we really need is the ability to put “In God We trust” there, so for a dollar, you can get such a sticker from the tag office that replaces the county name. I got one, but did a little razor blade work on it, and my license plate now says, “In Dog We Trust”. It’s there for three reasons, I like dogs, it’s funny, and it’s a subtle dig at those who think their belief system is so important that it has to be displayed on an official government document.

I don’t use Bumper Stickers or have tattoos. I refuse to endorse any ideology that isn’t aligned with my own personal beliefs.

The problem is, I’m not 100% satisfied with any ideology.

I believe Abortions should be legal, safe and rare (Clinton).

I believe in Fiscal Conservatism within the government – which doesn’t happen.

I believe in the death penalty.

I believe in the 2nd amendment.

I believe in the 1st amendment.

I just don’t want to advertise it because I don’t need some disgruntled jackass trying to key my cars.

‘Tis truly a small man who defines himself by the power to kill.

Or not be killed, depending on your understanding of world history.

I appreciate your point — but the vibe I get from that list is less about robust self-defense and more about overcompensation from the bridge and tunnel set. Never mind the contradictions involved trying to square limited government and the ability to execute its own citizens — what does Mr. Big Tough S.R.T Till I D.I.E. possibly have to fear from a six-week-old fetus?

I don’t much care for stickers, but I like clever ones like “Dead Baby on Board.” If I ever get around to purchasing a used, 6-speed Dodge Cummins, it won’t be road ready without a sticker noting the (hypothetical) number of Prius that can be crushed before engine failure. (I figure 86 or so…) Some drivers just beg to be tweaked.

ihatetrees – your blog name reminded me of a sticker on a bright yellow lifted F150…

Log it Burn it Pave it

Probably not a fan of Joni Mitchell

Bumper sticker mentality is about efficiency. How do you express an ideology and piss people off with less than 10-words in a font large enough and catch enough to be seen from 50 feet away?

“I’m not voting for Monica Lewinsky’s boyfriend’s wife”

“I don’t dial 911” (picture of gun)

“It’s a choice – not a child”

There is a distinction between types of bumper stickers. There are stickers that show an affiliation, gay/lesbian, universities, auto clubs, beach and park passes, oval region codes, etc. Pretty much everyone of all types has those. Then there is the little kid peeing, political phrases, the stick family, witty ism’s, honor roll, or brand graphics. Those are generally really downscale, and they are common in low-rent areas of Europe also. When i am stuck in gridlock traffic, it’s infuriating to be a captive audience to these messages. if i’m stuck behind a beater Camry or minivan with some sort of political, religious, anti-religious or trashy bumper sticker, it makes my blood boil.

@hifi – I could care less about the message on a bumper sticker. If your blood boils then the bumper sticker has conveyed the intended message.

Best I’ve seen in a while was the frightened cat from the My Family stickers with a tally next to it.

I have a couple of small union stickers on my ute from the previous owner. I’ve debated removing them but that would mean I care about the union.

Enhance your union stickers and befuddle others… “The One Percent Are People Too” “Abolish the Minimum Wage”

@ihatetrees….I like that idea.

I could put all the following stickers on my car:

“O’Reilly and Hannity Suck”

“Mitch McConnell is a Bumbling Old Fool”

56BelAire: This is the first comment that makes me really really wish for a like button. There are a couple additions I could make (have to throw “we need term limits, retroactively” into the mix. Other than that this comment section is already overloaded with experts. I would probably buy most any sticker on your list.

56BelAire – you could add “If this car is weaving….. the passenger sucks.

I sort of enjoy reading them , sometimes there’s a good bit of humor .

I don’t put bumper stickers on my vehicles , I do use rally decals on the windows of a couple of the vehicles I use in Road Rallies .

Nate – I’m not usually into bumper stickers.

A buddy gave me a sticker for my helmet when I owned a sport bike. It said “At 200 mph you have no friends.”.

I got the thumbs up from various drivers of performance cars or bikes and even a few cops.

“A buddy gave me a sticker for my helmet when I owned a sport bike. It said “At 200 mph you have no friends.”.”

and not a lick of sense…

I have zero interest in displaying a bumper sticker on my cars for several reasons, but I can at least get behind what one of my relatives did. He lives out in Middle of Nowhere, Nebraska and maintains a small collection of classic GM vehicles, but uses a beater Civic for commutes. Affixed to the rear of the Civic is one of those “THE POWER OF PRIDE” (w/ American flag) stickers, except with some careful paint and sharpie work to convincingly change “PRIDE” into “RICE”.

Interestingly enough, he hasn’t caught any flack about it for the several years he’s had it on the car, but he did have at least one chat with someone who thought it was nice that he was showing support for a certain Secretary of State…

There’s only one bumper sticker I could see myself getting:

xkcd is always the right answer.

In NYC in the seventies, a popular sticker was “My other car is a Ferrari”.

Then, at the height of the cocaine excesses, Studio 54 era, another one appeared:

“My other car is up my nose.”

For some people, it was a case of sad, but true.

I worked with a guy who drove a DeLorean and who’d put a “Coke Is It!” bumper sticker on the back end.

@GeneralMalaise An old joke was about the reason they took all the DeLoreans off the road. They kept sniffing up all the white lines.

Hey who wouldn’t want to know this car climbed Mount Washington?

Or to quote from the Simpsons: “I got us this baby on board bumper sticker. Now people will stop intentionally ramming our car.”

My favorite was the big diesel truck with IM PEACH OBAMA on the back glass. Yes, there was a space between the M and the P. I just figured that he played a lot of Mario Kart with Obama and was tired of Obama not letting him select Princess Peach when they raced.

Awesome…but Peach sucks in Mario Kart. I’d run Luigi.

Yea, what is it with these lame, narcissistic people drawing attention to themselves with their vehicles?

By the way, how is your yellow Hummer H1 and imported GTR doing? Is it as interesting as your previous CTS-v wagon and red Ferrari?

Maybe one day I’ll have a collection like yours but for now I’ll just have to be happy with my bright red Charger RT with a Corsa Extreme exhaust and my pale yellow 1977 Chrysler Newport.

Due to Doug’s vehicle choices, I just assume that he likes prostitutes, Hentai pornography from the early 90s, and clubbing baby seals. He doesn’t need bumper stickers to let people know that.

I have a number of bumper stickers on our cars and they rotate around a bit at carwash time (they’re stuck to magnetic sheeting for ease of removal).

“Honk if you passed Pchem” “Chemists have solutions” “Old chemists never die, they just reach equilibrium” (which is a biochem joke) “Experiment with a chemist” “Obey Gravity, It’s the Law” “No, I will not fix your computer” (I used to be in IT, guess what I do now).

Mostly, I have them to fly my nerd flag.

My wife has a few as well. “26.2” “13.1, been there, run that” “I thought they said ‘RUM\'” “Running is a mental sport and we are all INSANE”

I have my collage that I went to on my car, it was an out of state collage and I am proud that I paid for it my self and got a degree, my daughter collage stick is on my car as well, I also have a small magnet for my daughters high school sport which was not one of the in sports in town so it was showing support for their team, I always let in someone cut in, town traffic if they have a field hockey magnet because of it is a small tribe, my wires car has nothing she says if you know her, you know where her kids go to collage, school and what they do. the magnets make it so much easier not to destroy your car. Sell the car , just take off and do not saddle the new owner with the field hockey stigma.

“I have my collage that I went to on my car, it was an out of state collage and I am proud that I paid for it my self and got a degree, my daughter collage stick is on my car as well,”

Shoulda ponied up a bit more for a ‘collage’ that taught spelling better! :p

Sorry couldn’t resist! I too worry about bumper stickers destroying my pets…

HAHAHAHAHA I was skimming so I didn’t see this one.

Oh, and I count the magnets in with the bumper stickers, as being bad. They will ruin your paint as well. Trapping dirt and contaminants under there, and causing the paint not to age the same as the rest of the car.

I’m guessing that English is not seth1065’s first language.

I’ve noticed that there are fewer bumper stickers these days and more stick-figure families in the back window, OBX ovals, or those Fox Racing animal heads.

Oh, you have five kids?

“Apologies. Charitable givings of flying fucks not authorized.”

OneAlpha – a white unmarked police Tahoe in my town has the stick family in the back window. I always laugh my azz off when I see a vehicle pulled over by it.

The “Fox” logos have really caught on. Fox is a line of motocross gear and clothing. They probably make more money now on logo sales.

I saw one of those “miss me yet” stickers with a picture of dubbaya on it the other day. Least I thought it was dubbaya. Upon closer inspection then picture was none other than Dick Nixon.

Barack Obama is doing a reasonably good impression of Dick Nixon.

I could only imagine using very few, ironic bumper stickers on my car — nothing that would antagonize other people.

I recently saw a Fiat 500 with a bumper sticker that read “When I’m grown up, I want to be a Ferrari”. I thought that was cute. :)

EDIT: Oh, and just the other day – a Smart ForTwo which had one of those stickers on its back side:

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51Cz+9Ml40L._SY300_.jpg

Dealership stickers has always bugged me also. The last car I bought was of town and I did not want to take the time to have them remove it. With a heat lamp warming up the sticker I was able to remove it quite easily without scuffing the paint.

Back in the old days the dealers did not always use decals. I recall our 1966 Impala came with an actual piece of metal trim advertising the dealership, probably requiring drilling holes in the trunk lid. My newest car had two dealer stickers that just peeled right off using the edge of an old credit card.

For me, and yes I have bumper stickers, sometimes it’s an “eff” you and sometimes its just to give someone a chuckle if they bother to notice.

My Highlander has 1 – it says “I <3 My Haters" just because their are still people in the organization that don't care for my leadership (and a greater quantity that would be sad to see me go.) My F150 is covered in them comparatively but part of that is because there is so much room for them. "Yes this is my Truck, No I will not help you Move" – "Go to Heaven for the Climate and Hell for the Company. – Mark Twain." – "I reject your reality and substitute my own." – lastly – "Dynomax Muffler Systems"

I miss such bumper stickers a “I brake for unicorns”, “Don’t laugh its paid for”, “America, Love it or Leave it”, “Drive 90 and freeze a Yankee” and “Goat ropers need loving too”. I never have had bumper stickers on my car except parking stickers when I went to college. I do have an alumni license plate holder for my university on the rear bumpers of my trucks.

“This may not be the Mayflower, but your daughter came across in it!”

“I could have had a V8” (echoing the V8 juice ad slogan) (seen on a Chevette)

“Close Encounters does not mean ramming me in the ass”

“Illiterate? Write for help!” (seen on a hippie VW Beetle)

One more: My karma ran over your dogma.

How dare you sticker up a dust buster Silhouette, the most dignified GM minivan ever!

I’d never have any sort of sticker or dealer embellishment on my car. As far as I go is a funny personal plate, which I got just recently for the first time.

High correlation between sticker rash and dandelions. You don’t want either too near your home.

People need to go buy some damn weed and feed.

I’m guilty of rocking an OBX oval in my 4Runner’s window, I just had such an awesome time there! Driving around the beach on aired down tires was really neat.

Also have a few rather esoteric window vinyls: the mark of the Izhevsk arms factory, and a short quote from a popular Russian movie (written in Russian). I think it’s kind of fun to have these sorts of ‘not everyone gets it’ stickers where when someone who ‘gets it’ sees it, they get a kick out of it. I’m not much for broadcasting statements or opinions. For one, I fear damage to my vehicle, and I’ve heard of thieves targeting cars with the NRA badge, in hopes of finding weapons inside.

One other thing: every 4runner ever made has rear window vinyl stickers, why is that? I guess it’s just a nice big canvas to work with? Not bumper stickers, but vinyl window stickers.

I’ve never seen a 3rd gen 4Runner without stickers on it.

I first noticed it on that Outer Banks trip, the OBX is absolutely crawling with 4Runners of the 3rd and 4th gen years. EVERY SINGLE ONE had rear window vinyl decals. It was so odd. It’s so common that I was out for a run recently and saw what I thought was my truck driving by: a super clean evergreen pearl 3rd gen with tinted windows and two white vinyl stickers flanking the sides of the rear window. I freaked out for a second thinking mine had been stolen until I saw the front bumper, it had the updated ‘fat lip’ look (denoting 99+ model year) and a brush guard.

My MIL is driving with a sticker of the local police charity she donated some money to. She believes it gets her out of getting tickets. Not sure if that’s true but I could see that the only legit reason for me to put one on.

When I lived in Virginia, the Fraternal Order of Police would regularly call to solicit money. These calls were scripted to put you on edge by creating the impression that it was an officer calling to inform you that something awful had happened. Eventually the true reason for the call would be revealed, and they would ask for donations that were scaled to the level of support that your sticker would display to police on the road. These stickers had a season and year on them, so you needed to be up to date in your optimistic bribe. Incidentally, a friend was pulled over with a Fraternal Order of Police badge decal, and the tax collector asked him if he was related to a fellow revenuer rather than issuing a warning for ten over based on the decal.

Last time the FOoP called me, the conversation that followed the usual “Mr. inSD, this is officer Jones of the Virginia State Troopers,” went something like this:

Telemarketer posing as officer: For $25, you can have your Spring 2005 Bronze badge of support to display on your vehicle. For $50, you will show the people protecting you a silver level of support. For $100, you will have a Spring 2005 Gold Badge of benevolence! What level of support do you want to show?

Me: How many miles over the speed limit do I get for each level of support?

Me: How many miles an hour over the speed limit do I get for each level of support? What’s my return on investment with these little tributes?

TPAO: We can’t make any promises like that.

Me: Then I’ve got no use for you.

They actually stopped calling after years of harassment.

My business partner donates about $3K a year to the 11-99 Foundation, the ‘widows and orphans’ organization that’s almost famous for selling traffic law waivers to the rich. We have 11-99 Fountation license plate trim rings on some of our vehicles. My friend got a speeding ticket within weeks of putting the trim ring on the car. OTOH, the cop didn’t seem to care that he was legally drunk.

Local police department runs an annual program, Shop with a Cop. Take underprivileged, at-risk kids and buy them Christmas presents. Chance to relate to police officers as people, not authorities. I contribute every year. Leave the check in an envelope on the door. At some point during the day, check is replaced by two acknowledgement stickers. I have many, many stickers. Most in the junk drawer.

However, one Christmas season while driving across Wisconsin, I missed the sign indicating a 10 mph decrease in the maximum allowed limit. Busted by the WSP.

He walked up to my window, asked for my license, leaned back and saw the sticker on my truck.

“What’s with you people in Illinois giving money to stuff like that?”

I explained. He handed back the license.

“Have a nice day. Be safe.”

So in my anecdotal experience, that little sticker worked. YMMV.

When I was a teenager, I had a “Drugs Kill” bumper sticker on my battered old Plymouth. My best friend had a “Love is a Sober Driver” sticker on his Impala wagon. Basically, we were trying to suggest to onlookers that we weren’t driving under the influence. It may have worked. Neither of us were arrested while driving those two cars.

I used to get those calls. Cops telemarketing – really?

I’d tell them that if they wanted money, they could take it out of that revenue scam they call traffic enforcement, and hang up on the guy.

My new (to me) “original owner” 97 Grand Marquis came with a very old FOP sticker from a neighboring state. Decided to leave it on for that reason.

The other day I was in a hurry, and in a residential neighborhood, stopped for literally just an instant and then rolled again.

Got pulled by a cop hiding up a slanting side street. Said I didn’t stop. Told him I had stopped long enough to see the needle hit zero, which I thought constituted a stop, even if it wasn’t a very long one.

After the obligatory warrant and stolen vehicle check, he let me go with a warning.

Up until then I thought I might remove the sticker when I waxed in in the next few weeks, but after that, I think I am a believer in the theory.

Now if I had rolled through the stop sign at 30 in a 25 zone, I don’t think it would have done much good. But I do believe it helps in marginal situations.

I’ve seen a million funny bumper stickers (but since when you see them you’re usually driving, it’s tough to write them down so you can remember them…), but I have no interest in putting any bumper sticker on any car of mine.

Bumper stickers proliferating like tree fungus on the back of a car say to me:

1) I’d rather shout than think. 2) I don’t respect property, mine or yours. 3) Guess how much care I take of my body. 4) Lawn care is immoral.

Doug de Muro says in the piece that you see bumper stickers in the United States and you see them in Canada. From my own observation bumper stickers are fairly rare in the Great White North compared to the enthusiasm shown by our southern neighbours. I have seen the odd sports team or university sticker but never a “My Child is an Honour Student at…” one here. And slathering your car all over with them is definitely a strange thing. Canadians: too polite to make their opinions visible?

In Montreal a tiny few schools issue “Proud Parent” stickers. One of my kids inadvertently attended one and was given a sticker. We rearranged it to read “… of a SoutHern donut” and stuck it on the Sienna. My only bumper sticker. My BiL had: “If you don’t like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.”

“Canadians: too polite to make their opinions visible?”

No, just too drunk and busy eating smoked meats to care.

I have a Detroit sticker on one of my cars just because, well, I love Detroit but no longer live there. This has occasionally sparked comment by other people who also miss it.

I have a flag of the country of my birth on one of my older cars. This, too, used to (the car has been off the road for a while now) get occasional honks from people who were also from there. I have occasionally started impromptu stopped-in-traffic conversations with drivers of other vehicles who had similar stickers on their cars

I have a sticker of the private high school I went to on that same car. Years ago, parked in Ann Arbor (the school is in Georgia), I found a note left on my car by a couple who recognized the sticker and had also gone there and just felt like saying hi.

These are sort of little points of connection with people who are like us in some particular way. Notably, however, in my experience all such incidents require at least one of the people involved to not be in their car, but instead on foot or on a bike. It is awfully hard to have a momentary connection with somebody when you are both encased in cars.

From what I’ve seen there’s a direct correlation between Bumper Stickers and Degree of Insanity. 1-3 Bumper Stickers = Still fairly normal 4-6 Bumper Stickers = A little off or someone’s Grandparent 7-9 Bumper Stickers = Most likely to be on an Anti Depressant 10+ Bumper Stickers = Believes in “Chem Trails” and Government Mind Control

There’s also the Special Case. The Special Case plasters the entire car/van/truck with every personal belief they’ve ever had. They also mount a Loudspeaker on the roof to be able to preach their beliefs to any and all. “The End Is Near”, “Abortion Is Murder”, “Democrats are Evil”, Republicans Eat Babies “, “Obammer Wants UR Guns”, and on and on..

Except for people who are serious collectors, I believe that you could substitute “Guns” for “Bumper Stickers” in your chart and still be on the money.

Most people would the same of car/motorcycle/guitar collections. There’s a tool for every job!

Ah, but those 10+ bumper stickers (almost always on the back of a clapped-out late-80s full-size van) make for some interesting reading.

“Vaccines And Fluoride In The Water And Obama’s Illuminati Chemtrails Can’t Melt Steel Beams With The MIB-Backed Kennedy Assassination That Shows The Truth Behind Our Zionist Reptilian Overlords Who Faked The Nazi Moon Landing!!1!”

You’ve seen that 10+ guy too?

http://www.zombietime.com/concourse_of_hypocrisy/concourse.html

My personal rule is not to drive anywhere near a car like in the picture. In my expirence it doesn’t matter if they are left wing, right wing, or Spencer’s entire collection. The drivers are usually in some beat up crapwagon that makes Mad Max look like Barret-Jackson and they care nothing about cars or driving with any common courtesy on the road.

That is born out by research.

I’ve never seen HONK IF YOU’RE HORNY and HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS on the same car.

“THIS IS NOT AN ABANDONED CAR” I like bumper stickers with a purpose and that purpose is humor!

However, my car will remain bumper sticker free until it is a total beater.

I have only one bumper sticker on my car: “End Marijuana Prohibition” and it covers the dealer logo nicely.

I’ve never gotten much. Not even nasty looks. Seems like most people agree.

I have a couple stickers on my bike rack, but as for the car itself I only had one, a GOP Elephant magnet. It was stolen about three weeks ago in a parking garage. I replaced it with a window cling version.

I have bumperstickers (in practice, window stickers), but completely eschew politics in them.

Dutch Brothers (regional coffee hut chain)? Yes.

Kingdom of Loathing (Bugbear on the Volvo, Nauga on the SuperDuty)? Yes.

Random other ones reflecting interests or cool freebies? (“I’ve [coffeebean] Roasting!” from the place I get my green coffee from, Utech Records) Yes.

Politics? Never. Keep the preaching to yourself.

I don’t mind bumper stickers. What I don’t like are derogatory and mean bumper stickers, because to me, it really says something about you if you’d rather use your car make to fun of something you *don’t* like than to support something you do. For instance, here in Oklahoma, people love to put the upside-down Texas Longhorns insignia on their cars, as a sign of disrespect. So you’re probably an OU Sooners fan and you don’t like the Longhorns. Why don’t you put an OU sticker on your car instead of making fun of the Longhorns? Similarly, if you don’t like Hillary for whatever (legitimate or illegitimate) reason, why don’t you put a sticker on your car supporting a candidate that you *do* like instead of festooning your car with one of those tacky stickers that says “Life’s a B*tch! Don’t Vote for One!”?

People who fill their cars with stickers are usually driving a car that’s beat up enough for them not to care about the paint (or lack thereof).

I draw the line at some small stickers on the rear window for family pride, but my cars are generally in good enough shape that I don’t want anything on the paint.

Not bumper stickers, but I display my SURVIVOR shirts in my back window. I am proud to have survived a 80-90 percent morbidity rate cancer for 6 years, 6 months and 22 days. I also like to talk about my experience with others who might be undergoing a similar struggle or know someone who is. If I can help them in any way get through horrors of esophagus cancer, I will.

Don’t use them myself , but I’ve seen some funny ones . A window sticker with a helicopter firing missiles at a stick family saying – “NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR STICK FAMILY !” One saying “I’ve got a great body . It’s in the trunk and starting to smell” . A Jesus fish with two legs that said DARWIN in the middle .

SnarkyRichard – my favorite stick family sticker is of a stick dude humping (doggie style) another one with the words underneath “I’m working on it”.

I have one that states “Zipper Merge” and shows two cars zippering into one lane. Plus it hides a nasty scratch on the bumper. It was cheaper and easier to fix with a bumper sticker. And when the driver in the car behind me is raging that I cut in front of them in their lane maybe they will look at it and realize that long line of asphalt that is generally empty is also a lane that cars should use.

I have a small BMW CCA vignette in the lower corner of my E46’s rear window and that’s it. Fortunately, it’s one of those non-stick that I can remove in 2 seconds without any residue.

When I drove a $500 POS Volvo 240 in grad school, I slapped whatever sticker I came across on it, regardless of what it said. Mostly referenced local breweries and math/physics societies (“AMS: Don’t Drink and Derive!”), and a “Madhouse Munchies” sticker for some brand of organic potato chips.

I have one on my wagon – the color matched the vinyl wood trim and it nicely covers up the hole in the wood trim vinyl underneath it.

I think it was for a comedy act, don’t really remember…

Currently in Australia for several years now many people are placing their family in stick figure form on the back windows, along with a “Baby on Board” sign and a fish.

These are generally the most inconsiderate of the drivers. Especially the ones who drive minivans, Volvos, and 2WD CUVs.

Who cares if you are a Christian. I’d bet if Muslims started to use stickers that show they are Muslim many of the “Fish” sticker drivers would feel insecure, along with many NRA sticker drivers and other red neck swaying groups.

At least most vehicles with “Save the Whales” and other Green orientated stickers own vehicles that are much easier to overtake or pass.

But, these “Fish” drivers must think they are protected whilst on the road.

Stickers in the end do indicate what part of society you fit into. Sometimes advertising this can come at a cost.

If someone berates you for your sticker, don’t be offended. As it is that person freedom to express his views on what perception you have given yourself.

Everyone views the world through a different kaleidoscope.

Oh, some of my comments are tongue in cheek, but overall it has some credence.

The ichthys was originally a pagan fertility symbol. Look closely. Ahhh, there it is. Unseen it cannot be.

Perhaps the hot blonde driving beside you in the red convertible (adorned with the “Jesus Fish” you so readily dismiss) is trying to tell you something entirely different than what your kaleidoscope perceives?

Well some believe that the Star of David is best interpreted as two triangles with one acting as the receptacle for the other – one as the female “cup” and one as the male “vessel”. That would be even more fertile.

Semiotics teaches us there’s always more than meets the eye.

Fish… Makes sense that the symbol for a religion exhorting mindless reproduction should be a representation of something stinky and uncountable.

The other religions, of equal idiocy, must be kicking themselves for not grabbing it.

RideHeight – the fish symbol can be traced to various points of Christian history. Because it was used by pagans/Romans etc. and Christians were being persecuted it is believed that it was used as a sign to show who was “safe”. There are other believed origins for example Jesus saying to his disciples to be fishers of men. There is also the direct link to the Greek word “ichthys” Iesous Christos Theou Yios Soter, i.e. Jesus Christ, Son of God, Savior.

Sticker on bumper of 1 ton pick-up driven by a rough looking individual-Houston:

“If you ain’t Texan you ain’t shit”

Love that one for the irony.

The direct implication of course being: If you are Texan, you are ___

30-mile fetch – “If you ain’t Texan you ain’t shit”

It would be extremely tough to explain to the guy with the bumper sticker.

I rarely see bumper stickers. They’re much less prevalent since chrome was replaced by body color plastic, and only a very small subset of vehicles and drivers seem to have them. The old adage, Americans don’t understand an idea that can’t fit on a bumper sticker, has been replaced by the 160 character limit on twitter.

My favorite: “My other car is a broom.”

My ex-wife’s other car is a broom.

I think it all comes down to the individual’s passion. I had self-restraint and went with two bumper stickers, one on each side of the rear window of my 200. I didn’t want to create a collage of bumper stickers on my car, as that would be too tacky.

The one on the left is my Rand Paul 2016 sticker, proudly displayed. As a libertarian-leaning Republican, I feel that Rand Paul is the best choice to fill the Presidential seat. We are in desperate need of individual and economic liberty and governmental restraint and fiscal conservatism. I’m not saying that Rand Paul isn’t perfect, but he’s a personable guy that cares about our country, and his ideals will at least put us on the right track if our country can still be salvaged. I think he will give it his honest best shot given the chance.

My other bumper sticker is an Ubuntu Linux sticker. As a system administrator, I love technology (and as a result, I [mostly] love my job). While I deal with Microsoft-specific products most of the time at work, Ubuntu is my personal favorite. Ever since I was in middle school (about ten years ago), I have used it. I’ve also tried everything else, from Red Hat to more obscure distros like Slackware and Zenwalk, but Ubuntu just stuck with me. Over the years, I’ve grown to be an Ubuntu ‘evangelist’. I’ve given presentations at school, handed out CDs for people to try, and installed it on countless computers for family and friends.

I used to have a Linux penguin and BSD daemon (“Tux” and “Chuck”) on my Ranger back in the early ’00s. Don’t think I’d advertise for Ubuntu these days, mostly because of their Mir/Upstart silliness.

As for your specific combination, people might think you’re Eric S. Raymond.

Bumper stickers are what people used before they were able to share things on Facebook. I believe the value and reach of both are roughly equivalent. The only real difference is the greater physical safety afforded by Facebook when sharing something offensive / ignorant / hateful …

I forgot a few other choice bumper stickers “America, Love it or Leave it”, “Aliens On Board”, “Native Houstonian, Endangered Species”, “Don’t Mess With Texas”, “My other vehicle is a truck”, “I’m going as fast as I can”, and “Disco Sucks”. I do see less bumper stickers except the anti-abortion, anti-Obama, and NRA sticker and those are usually on older vehicles that are for the most part used up. Usually the dealers take away from the trade-in value for a vehicle with bumper stickers but many of those vehicles with lots of bumper stickers next stop will be at the salvage yard with a little pine sent tree hanging from the rear view mirror.

Doug, There was an old New Yorker cartoon where the client asks the avant-garde artist, “Why do you have to be a non-conformist like everyone else?” Does that answer you question about Americans and bumper stickers? Our medium; my message.

I think when I go back to Iraq I am going to slap a coexhist sticker on my truck.

There is one sticker I haven’t seen since I was a kid in the late 70’s and 80’s but it has always stuck with me. The first time I saw one it was on a rusty old Dodge Tradesman and it read “Gas, grass or ass. Nobody rides for free.” The most 70’s sentiment ever. Drugs, sex, and hitchhiking all in one.

Delta88 – that sticker is still common among the biker crowd.

My buddy put that on the wing window of his parents Chevy conversion van that he drove in HS.

Funny thing is that I live in Canada were having bumper stickers is the exception, rather than the norm. Whenever I drive across the border, the first thing I always notice is all the bumper stickers everywhere.

Zelgadis – snow and road film has a way of coating the back of a vehicle. Our climate does appear to have some advantages ;)

As a skier, “Nobody Cares That You Tele” and “No Cares You Ski Mad River” are the only remotely clever/amusing bumper stickers I’ve seen in many a moon.

Brumus – I had to look up the second one. I realized the 1st one was telemark.

The second bumper sticker (Mad River) only makes sense to Northeast US or Quebec skiers.

Brumus – oddly enough I’ve never been much for any kind of skiing. Did cross-country as a kid.

My 95 LeSabre came with a “Red, White, and Buick” sticker when I bought it. I like Buicks, so I kept the sticker. But other than that, I have no reason to tell other people what I think.

I’m not a big fan of bumper stickers or stickers on my car at all. In all my years I’ve only had a few. A sticker from the local Rock station when I was in high school, one from In and Out on my pickup back when I was in college. However one of my current vehicles has a small sticker in the rear window and a magnet one on the tail gate. The one in my window is from PCC, and adimitedly is a snub to those that shop at the better known but much younger PCC. Mine is from Palmer Coking Coal company who started business over a 100 years ago by supply coal to the west but is now a supplier of landscaping materials. The other better known PCC is Puget Consumer’s Co-op which is a chain of natural grocery stores frequented by people who are probably offended by a truck that is likely older than them “polluting the air”. The Magnet on the tailgate says when I grow up I want to be a CXT, the largest pickup ever made, the truck is a Scout II cab top which is one of the smallest pickups ever made.

I am constantly getting comments on my bumper stickers. From the poison prevention center sticker above my tailpipe to the bear safety sticker to a mashup of political candidate stickers, people love to talk to me about them in traffic, parking lots, and in my driveway. I think your experience is limited to having a stupid sticker.

I have only one sticker on each car. It is for an obscure but wonderful ski area in Montana, where I’ve had many spectacular days.

I don’t do politics, as we all clearly don’t agree, and why piss someone off ?

I do have a sweet spot for anyone with joke stick figure families, though…..

It didn’t take me long to stop using bumper stickers when I was a teenager. The repitition took away the cleverness pretty quickly. Now that one of our cars is a Prius, we’re very deliberate about keeping bumper stickers off of it, to avoid being stereotyped any more that we already are.

I did leave one bumper sticker on my old Ranger for about four years, though. It read: /dev/truck Either you get it, or it’s line noise.

I got the bumper sticker because it wasn’t available as a vanity plate.

About once a year, some geek who got it would shout “dude, that’s awesome” across the parking lot at me. :-)

If you get it, it tells you a lot about how I felt about that truck, and about being its driver.

I’ve been thinking of getting a similar one made for my van. My van is gray, and so it would have to be green text on a transparent sticker, in honor of the first VT100s.

@Luke42 Technically, since your truck is not the only truck in the system, I would argue that it should have a unique file ID under the /dev/vehicle/truck structure, such as /dev/truck/{VIN#} where your actual VIN# would be substituted for {VIN#}.

Then again, from the standpoint of normalization, the information that the vehicle is a truck would be derivable from a parse of the VIN# itself, in which case I would argue that it should have just read /dev/{VIN#}.

And if the above isn’t pointy-headed enough, then I’m slipping.

But if you insist that /dev/truck should be sufficient, then what would happen if the following line of code was executed while multiple trucks were in scope?

write(“Downshift”) > /dev/truck

I dare say that there would be some bent valves if all trucks within scope downshifted in response to that command at the same instant.

And personally, I preferred the green text on a black background, but then again, that might be modernist revisionism.

Still, a step in the right direction, in preparation for autonomous vehicles.

Back in the day, I liked hacking bumper stickers. The ubiquitous Massachusetts “A Little Courtesy Won’t Kill You” sticker became “A Little Courtesy of I’ll Kill You”.

Then I discovered laser-printable bumper sticker blanks. At the height of the Clinton Presidency my Ranger sported a “Honk if you’ve been subpoenaed by Kenneth Starr” sticker.

These days, I limit myself. The CTS wagon sports a license plate ring from Ralph Spoilsport Motors: “Take any exit on the freeway of your choice”. My one other indulgence is my AOPA (Aircraft Owners and Pilots Association) window sticker. Anything with wings on it is cool in my book.

The only stickers on my 77 Chevelle are for the Powertour I did a couple years ago. and the only stickers on my 95 Explorer was my Alumni sticker after I graduated.

Otherwise I never had more than one sticker on the car.

I make statement by installing custom licence plate frame instead of bumper stickers. And my statement is “Closer To Home/Grand Funk Railroad”. I try to spread the word and remind occasional fans that they are not alone in this world.

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